thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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