Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
