Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
