so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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