I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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