There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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