I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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