I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
