Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
