Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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