I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he thought i was a dude.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
