I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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