four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
