remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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