I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
