my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
