I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
