Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
