I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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