On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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