You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
