ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
