so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
