Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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