That's intense
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
