We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
