Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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