dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
