i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
