Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
