just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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