a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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