Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
