i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
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And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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