You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
