Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
