it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
