my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
