He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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