We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
