shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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