Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
