I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Never underestimate the power of titties
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
