he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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