He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
