We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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