dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
