I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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