your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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