I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
