I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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