Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
