They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
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Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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