Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
