She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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