We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
