is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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