Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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