I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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