I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
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Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
jump out the window naked night went bad
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