So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
where are my eyebrows?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
