grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
