the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
