Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
