My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
