The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
