So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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