Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize