My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
