Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sext me about skeletons
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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