Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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