you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
