their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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