I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
