Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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