You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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