Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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